This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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