I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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