She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
