I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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