i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
