Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
