Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
