I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
