Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
