and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
