The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
