does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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