i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
