I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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