I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
