i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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