and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
