Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
