he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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