okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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