My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
