You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Terrible idea I love it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
