I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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