just come out here and I will go home with you...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
