chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
