Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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