...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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