i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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