We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
