You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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