census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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