Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
