I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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