Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
