So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
