I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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