There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
