i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
