I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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