bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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