Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
