well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
