I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
