you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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