Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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