His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
