I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
