Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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