Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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