I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
