one might say we're banned from that church
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
