Even water is tasting like jack daniels
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
