I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
