Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You pole danced in your parka.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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