on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
