But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This toilet bowl is my home.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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