i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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