i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
