My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I touched a dick in church today
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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