About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
