I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
