Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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