Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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