I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
