I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
