One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
