you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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