apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
