Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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