After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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