like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
