I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
