She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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