oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
