I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
