Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
